I have always seemed to know about God all my life. Even though my dad divorced my mom when I was not even a year old, for obvious reasons, I still was surrounded by people that loved me and shared Christ with me. My grandma raised me while my dad worked long hours, sometimes 12 or more hours, 6 or 7 days a week. But during those most impressionable years of my upbringing, she made sure I was aware of God. My dad remarried when I was 6, which was a turning point in my young life. I felt as if I was being torn away from the mom I knew (grandma), and tossed into a strange place, because my dad was still working long hours. So the battle began. She tried at first to get me to like her, but her inexperience and being young, and my rebel nature, didn't mix!

As the years went on my heart hardened. I still prayed to God, He was the only one I had I felt that would listen to me. But the hardness of my heart, and the fighting that went on didn't leave much room for love in our house. I ended up moving out when I was 17, I had enough. I turned to a life of drinking, some drugs, and being with women. I guess I thought that I could replace the mother I never had. Then I decided to meet my biological mother for the first time. My girlfriend and I (she was 11 yrs older) drove down to South Carolina to meet her. I just knew that it was going to be all better; it had to be the empty void I was feeling. We got there, and it was an emotional meeting, but still not what I was looking for. I had completely turned my back on God, and I couldn't figure out why my life was so upside down. So I continued on in this lifestyle for many years. Until I started having my eyes opened. God was waiting patiently for me to listen to the people He had been sending all along, and it finally started to get through.

I started feeling guilty about the things I was doing, which was a start! Then I started thinking about God. My Grandma, I am sure, with the rest of the family never stopped praying for me, as well as many others. More and more I started to hate the way I was living my life, and the so called friends I had started dropping like flies. I ended up seeing, "The Passion of the Christ" and that is when I really did a major check of my life. But I was still a bit off, see I was trying to please everyone else, and God, not just God.

I ended up going to a church, meeting a guy (how could you go wrong there?), and getting engaged. I found out he had some issues of his own, past wife and child, and a few encounters with same sex relations. I still thought that this was what God wanted because we could relate. But as time went on I learned that I was only a cover for the desires he still had, and an instant mom for his spoiled child. God showed me a valuable lesson about not looking to please people, putting them before Him. I thought if I was normal like everyone else I would be happy, and they would all be happy for me. Then God did a big thing in my life and moved me to help my 89 yr. old great uncle. So the wedding was off, and I was moving in with an old bachelor that never married. He is the type of guy that was used to having it his way all his life, but liked helping others as long as they returned the money with work. But I have to say they just took the money and ran; he did get over it eventually.

Since I have totally turned my life over to the Lord, I have found such peace and the hole in my heart is full of Gods love. I know now, writing this, that I have done what’s right in Gods eyes, the only one that really matters. He has revealed himself in ways to me I never would have even dreamed of since I have obeyed Him. Putting aside the me, me, me, and putting my faith in Christ. I only have a desire to grow, and get to know Him better and better.